The microscope and amplifier of today’s social media universe is a phenomenon worthy of far more thought and inquiry than it currently commands. Never before in human history have billions of people around the globe regularly—and often obsessively—documented the mundane, insane, and profane aspects of their lives and shared them with a worldwide audience. 

This stunning erasure of the boundary between the public and the private has irrevocably rewired a great many Americans who were decades ago suckered into innocently posting photographs of their cats and children—but have now escalated to oversharing their most intimate hopes and pains. This has evolved into a tragic underappreciation of the necessity of keeping our most precious thoughts and excruciating vulnerabilities to ourselves as a matter of both self-protection and self-respect. 

By continuously and erroneously seeking validation from strangers, a bad habit that now starts in youth and persists throughout adulthood, we have entered into a devil’s bargain with a faceless and soulless hive mind that is draining our minds to provide a distraction for peering and remorseless strangers, most of whom are themselves addicted to this destructive media. Unsurprisingly, these sad souls derive a sick thrill from commenting on the inevitably messy existences openly displayed for their own thoughtless and remorseless judgements—and so this perverse circle remains unbroken.

Much of what is routinely posted would have seemed madness or minutia to many only 50 years ago. Personal anecdotes, meandering conversations, tearful pleas, hapless home accidents, transitory health problems, excitement over a purchase, chronicles of sexual adventures, detailed descriptions of our bodily functions, frustrations with friends and relatives, what we ate for lunch, workplace traumas, the commission of crimes, threats against others, lies masquerading as truths, truths buried in lies, and (of course) nude selfies all are broadcast to a worldwide audience of bored voyeurs who gobble up our insecurities and foolishness with gusto—and demand more in exchange for their querulous attention.

The underlying problem with all this damaging and pathological behavior is that a life that is continually on public display is always going to involve some degree of fakery and fiction, which only further alienates us from both ourselves and those who might otherwise be an truly supportive part of our empty and performative lives. It is little wonder so many people are always online with their alleged “friends” yet are desperately and dangerously lonely. So many of these poseurs and provocateurs waste the precious hours of their lives driving away actual relationships while sharing the void of of their inflated egos and pointless existences. It is little wonder that depression, anxiety, and suicide are epidemics in America today.

A life lived online is especially dangerous for the anxious young (who are typically both insecure and impressionable), the terminally immature, and the psychologically damaged. Believing they are finding connections—but, in reality, are only attracting cruel gawkers—those who are the most vulnerable are subjecting themselves to drama and trauma that will only amplify their problems while erasing the privacy they need in order to sort out their pain and fears. To allow anyone to deal with difficulties or insecurities by subjecting themselves to the whims of a worldwide audience of boneheads and busybodies is itself the cruelest abuse imaginable, turning what were once hurtful bathroom graffiti or a cruel rumor into a global adventure in public humiliation and shaming that is notable for its uncaring and callous comments regarding those who are desperate for attention—of the wrong sort.

Many of the problems we now experience with managing respectful conversations concerning core values and public policy are likely due to the simple fact that so many Americans have now been trained by the pathologically needy norms of social media discourse to be perpetually on either brutal offense or furious defense—with no room left in their electronically stimulated minds for patient listening and learning. The poles of denigrating others and desperately craving approval do not mesh well with a marketplace of ideas where many (if not most) might heartily (and reasonably) disagree with one’s most cherished beliefs or reject a carefully crafted (but fragile) self-image.

I bless the fact that I was able to go through a childhood, adolescence and young adulthood without a camera and internet connection in every pocket around me. The healthful and necessary psychological buffer of a world where privacy was still possible—and every friend and acquaintance was not yet a performer in their own private theaters of the absurd and obscure—was a blessing that few born during the past couple of decades will ever experience. The terrible fact is the destructive power of all-pervasive and all-powerful social media warps every interaction into a camera-ready transaction that is neither real nor healthful. The bad habits many Americans have learned from living online have helped turn us into a nation that cannot the separate the reality of conversation and compromise from the fantasy of insult and insularity—or even understand the difference.