When I first started working in the advertising business in New York City many years ago, one of my senior colleagues told me the following joke—both to make me laugh and provide me with a little insight into reality….
Starting his first day at a new job, a man ran into his predecessor cleaning out his desk, who gestured to the top right hand drawer.
“I hear you’re taking over from me. This is a pretty demanding position, so there’s a little tradition we keep up here. I’ve put three sealed and numbered envelopes in this drawer. When you hit your first crisis with our boss, open envelope number one. When the second crisis strikes, open number two. When you and our boss have your third falling out, open the third envelope.”
Smiling at the seeming absurdity of the three envelopes, the man said goodbye to his predecessor and started his new job.
However, one terrible morning several months later, after his boss had chewed him out for not meeting his performance goals, the man went back to his desk and—his hands shaking—opened the first envelope and read the note: “Blame your predecessor.” After lunch he went in and explained to his boss what a mess his department was in when he took over the position. It worked. Mollified by the explanation, his boss sent him back to his desk without further comment.
A couple of months later his boss was on the rampage again, demanding to know when improved results were forthcoming. After anxiously reaching into his desk, the man pulled out the second envelope and read the advice: “Announce a reorganization.” Racing into his boss’s office, the man explained that he was changing around the responsibilities of the people in his department in order to increase productivity. A bit disbelieving but still satisfied by this plan, his boss sent the man on his way.
Unfortunately, as yet more months passed, no improvements were apparent. Frothing with rage, the boss told his underling to be in his office the next morning with a new strategy to finally turn around his department. Remembering how the first two envelopes had saved him, the man raced back his desk and frantically tore open the third envelope.
Inside he found a note that read as follows: “Prepare three envelopes….”
A good deal of private sector work tracks right along with the three envelopes. Managers and supervisors have, from time immemorial, followed exactly this arc to keep those above them happy—at least for a while. Government bureaucracies—and the bureaucrats and elected officials that run them—are likewise prone to either blame their predecessors or announce a reorganization when problems become too obvious to ignore.
However, those who survive in government jobs become experts at one particular “skill” above all others: keeping their heads down and asking no questions. Consequently, we employ millions of men and women who will—from the day they start work until the day they retire—plod placidly along while paying little heed to either the utility of their work or its societal outcomes. The consequence is an ever growing chasm between the costs of government and the actual benefits that are provided to our nation.
If you’ve ever wondered why we spend our lives paying taxes for schools that don’t educate, roads filled with potholes, and various departments and agencies that seem to have no discernible or logical function, you are asking the right questions—but you are wrong in believing improvements are possible. Absent the private sector accountability provided by the need to both produce measurable results and turn a profit, it will always be the predisposition of government to cost more and provide less over time. Although there are many who believe—believe with all their hearts and souls in many cases—that those who want to reduce the size of government are heartless haters who are putting our lives and the future of our nation at risk, the catastrophic rise of both daily government expense and government indebtedness compels those with the least smidgen of sanity to question our current direction—and seek change.
Obviously, we need government, and there are basic responsibilities that government is best suited to fulfill. National defense, local law enforcement, health and safety regulations, and maintenance of the infrastructure and the regulatory framework necessary for interstate and international commerce are clearly the purview of government managed by elected officials. Protection of our environment is also necessary to help ensure the health and welfare of our citizens. A free, taxpayer-supported system of primary and secondary education—whether provided by public or charter schools—must certainly be in place to put each generation in a position for future success.
However, the accountability necessary for well-managed government programs is impeded by the sheer immortality of government agencies and departments—that which is once funded never goes away. Much like that famous fictional Count from Transylvania, government agencies and departments live forever, sucking the life blood of the citizenry and striking fear into the hearts of all who dare defy them. Elected and appointed officials, although nominally in control, rarely have the staying power to do much to rein in their inexorable growth.
Therefore, we should consider allowing the appropriations for every government agency and department—except for a very select few deemed absolutely vital to our nation—to “sunset” every ten years. In order to continue operations, they would need to be voted back into existence by our citizens—not a handful of legislators who have been purchased through campaign contributions. During the ten year cycle, appropriations and oversight would be left to elected officials and appointees, but thereafter a plebiscite of the citizenry—local, state, or national, depending on the department or agency or question—would decide whether to allow it to continue to function. There would, of course, be a brief winding down period if programs were closed so that the enforcement responsibility for regulations promulgated could be smoothly transferred, but this would be manageable—and of limited duration and cost compared to the eternal life and expense prior.
There will, quite naturally, be those who for a variety of reasons would vociferously oppose such an idea. The status quo always has its fans—particularly when there is (as is always the case with government) jobs and money involved. Nonetheless, unless we want to continue to spin on as we are until every last penny is gone from our pockets—and the pockets of our children and grandchildren—we must take affirmative and direct control over the mechanisms of our government.
If not, we will soon be preparing our own “third envelope” for our nation and its future. This is an outcome we dare not allow to occur.