It is, unfortunately, human nature to hold a grudge. When we are treated badly or unfairly, we tend to remember our tormentors, and our pain can linger for a bit before we finally let it go. Whether we have reached a place of peace or the promiscuous rush of life has simply pushed the awful events from our minds, most of our grievances eventually fade away with the passage of time, which is both healthful and normal.

However, there is a significant segment of humanity that defines itself through its resentment and bitterness, so their anger does not ever disappear—instead it festers and is passed onto their descendants. The consequence of rage that spans generations, centuries, or perhaps the millennia is seen most prominently in the slaughterhouse of the Middle East, where the insults and depredations of yore become the car bombs and missile strikes of today. Dialogue and conciliation are rendered impossible because to abandon anger as an animating force of one’s life is culturally, socially, and spiritually impossible. Most actions and conversations, therefore, revolve around exacting revenge for ancients hurts that few could likely articulate in a logical manner that acknowledges a broader historical context—should they should even wish to bother. 

Although few would probably think of it in this way, a civilized world depends on our forgetfulness. The quote attributed to the Spanish-American philosopher and writer George Santayana—“Those Who Cannot Remember the Past Are Condemned To Repeat It.”—is actually a double-edged sword because perseverating about past injustices has been rallying point for fanatics throughout history. Those who cling to tribalism of every sort depend, in fact, on their ability to build group solidarity by promoting hatred of outsiders, and their efforts are turbocharged daily by modern methods of psychological manipulation and propaganda dissemination that spread rage and dissension in the guise of news and information.

However, as helpful as forgetfulness is to the maintenance of peace on our diverse and often contentious planet, forgiveness is even more important because it is the most effective antidote for vengeful violence the world has ever known. Forgiveness does not, it must be remembered, translate to acceptance—nor does it deny our right to self-defense when attacked. We may well still thoroughly dislike or disagree with those whom we have released from blame or guilt, but forgiveness keeps our own anger from rotting our souls and restrains our urges to lash out unthinkingly at a world that, truth be told, is packed full of grievous insults, injustices, and injuries to others. Forgiveness could, for this reason, perhaps be characterized as an inherently selfish act because it first grants us our own peace; it is, however, regardless of its root cause, essential to quelling the bloodlust so easily awakened in our species. Although some individuals, such as child abusers and mass murderers, may be beyond any hope of forgiveness, these extremes of human cruelty do not dismiss the necessity of working to tame our rage for our good and the benefit of our world as a whole.

One of the finest and most startling examples of granting forgiveness under the most horrible circumstances one can possibly imagine was provided by the widow of slain Conservative activist Charlie Kirk at his recent memorial service. Speaking of the man who is alleged to have murdered her husband only a few days before, she stated the following:

“I forgive him because it was what Christ did, and it is what Charlie would do. The answer to hate is not hate. The answer we know from the Gospel is love.”

There was no call for individuals to be targeted or demands that our nation’s cities be set aflame. She did not lay blame upon those whose words and beliefs might have prompted the alleged killer to commit his heinous act. Instead we heard the release and the freedom that forgiveness provided to her at the most terrible time of her life, and we can all be thankful that her forgiveness helped to prevent just that much more pain to be spread throughout our already troubled nation.

None of us should spend our days and nights riling up ourselves and others on social media. None of us should mistake coarse and confrontational Late Night comedians for thoughtful individuals. None of us should listen to so-called leaders who have a fetish for violence instead of dialogue.

Regardless of our faith or lack thereof, we must always remember how necessary our forgiveness of others is both for ourselves and those around us if we are to escape at least some portion of the vile hatreds that have haunted humanity since we first squinted up at the sun and tried to find a way to cooperate with those around us—in order to simply survive the day.